Real Rhonda

It’s possible that after eating a dinner of octopus and eel and then coming home to Chex Muddy Buddies (to which I started saying “I love you so much” with the same voice you talk to a really cute baby/dog-yeah, it would have been embarrassing but I was the only one home), that I may not be thinking clearly at the moment but I really want to write a post for you.  Though it just might come out a little more dramatic than it should.  I am feeling quite dramatic at the moment.

Today, I talked to a lady who has been hearing voices and although she is on medication, the voices are overwhelming right now.  ”I feel like I’m going crazy!” were her words to me. I smiled—Yeah, not the right time to smile actually.  (Note to self: next time someone says they are feeling like they are going crazy, DO NOT smile-unless they are really really really crazy and will join you in smiling, don’t smile).

However, I smiled for a reason that had nothing to do with her.  We all wonder at times what is going on, where are we going, what’s wrong with us.  If the woman only realized that we all feel at times we are going crazy, wondering if we are really cut out for the task at hand. Why can’t we keep our minds focused on the things that truly matter?

You know those times when there is something you really want to forget and yet, everywhere you go, there is a sign, a reminder, a symbol of the very thing you just wish you could let go of.  Your eyes automatically zoom in on everything that would even remotely signal your brain to tell your heart that you don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell in forgetting what you want to forget. The more you get reminded, the more you question your sanity. The more you question your sanity, the more you look for signs that you are not insane. You beg your brain to let go, to relax, to be quiet, to meditate on the simple things.  ”Stop, please stop.  You have no right to be so pervasive. No right to fill every cranny of my brain.  No right to make me feel like this.  Just let it go.  It’s no use thinking about something that is so useless.  What’s done is done.  Let the book end.  Let the credits roll.  Let the fat lady sing.  Let bygones be bygones.  Let sleeping dogs lie.  Let the dead die.  No more sequels.  Let the subscription run out.  Let the glass spill empty. Please thoughts, just bite the dust and go belly up.”

I was at a meeting last week and started doodling circles.  That’s what I like to draw.  Circles touching other circles all in one big clump.  Clumpy circles.  Circles of clump. My co-worker wrote on my paper: “That is a sign of intelligence”.  I thought to myself, “I knew it!” A sign.  The oppressive reminders will not take over my intelligent brain! I will divide and conquer!

Recently when a guy I don’t really know found out I rather enjoy listening some to Justin Beiber every now and then, he questioned my sanity. He couldn’t believe that a 30-year-old woman would find the Biebs enjoyable.  I couldn’t believe he was judging us so fast.

People will always question your sanity when you do something different and others will find reason to think you are intelligent.

The conclusion?  The moral of this all?  The reason I am writing this at all?

Well, I could reference the Urban Dictionary.

PER URBAN DICTIONARY-Definition #6 of Insane is: The label given to people who open the door that sane people keep closed… the people who are consumed by the awareness of their existence, when everyone else is blind to their own… the people who can distinguish the reality of illusion from those who live the illusion of reality… etcetera.

And then there is the Bible.

Philippians 3:12-14: Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

We focus on Jesus.  We take our thoughts captive and we determine to walk worthy of the calling.  Our lives, our destiny are tied up  in the joy of knowing Him.  We are flesh and we are human but our God invigorates with His power in order to help our brains…well, keep order!

Will we succeed?  Most assuredly my friend, most assuredly.

Once upon a time, I was on the bus.

Maybe I should back up and provide you with some context.

I drive a car which means I need a good mechanic who is trustworthy.  In the previous city I lived in, I had a great mechanic. However, I would sometimes go elsewhere for auto care when he was busy.  I learned quickly that all mechanics are not created equal.  Sure, all men and women are equal but not mechanics.  Red, Yellow, Black and White they are precious in His sight but not all mechanics are created equal.  So, I had a bad experience with a bad mechanic-a bad mechanic at the Toyota dealership.  They told me I had no problems with my catalytic converter and charged me for replacement of my perfectly good timing belt-and those babies ain’t cheap (no baby is).  My catalytic converter was 90% clogged…I lived and learned…Then I moved…Which means, find a new everything.

So, once upon a time, I was on the bus.  A guy sat down next to me.  I smiled and we started talking.  His name was Dan. I would see him many times on that bus and almost every time, we would greet each other and talk about deep matters.

Once though, I asked him where he took his car for maintenance.  And he told me.

East Urban Auto Repair.  He told me Jeri Lucas would treat me right.

The guy on the bus got married and I never saw him again.

But I started going to East Urban Auto in Kirkland.  I started and I haven’t stopped.  Even after I moved 30 minutes away, I kept going.

Today, I went there.

I told them I moved.

Jason, Jeri’s son, who is also superb responded, “You are my new favorite customer, though you were already near the top! Thanks for continuing to come to us.”

I wonder if favorite customers get discounts…Actually, I might just pay him double next time just because I love them so much.

THE END

And what is the moral of this story?

Talk to guys on the bus?

Not all mechanics are equal?

You can trust some people, you really can?

Kirkland has better mechanics than Burien?

Life is short?

Starbucks has really good coffee?

You too can have everything you ever wanted?

You should eat Chinese food more often?

None of the above.  The moral of the story is:

Jesus loves me a lot.  THAT is the moral of my wonderful story about how I found East Urban Auto Repair.

I’ve had one scene stuck in my head all day from the movie “A Christmas Story”.

Ralphie and his brother Randy go to the mall to tell Santa what they want for Christmas.  Ralphie wants a Red Rider BB gun and this is his only chance to tell Santa.  The boys stand in line forever but finally they get to the front.  The elves grab Randy first to tell Santa what he wants but he starts screaming in fear so the elves release him down the slide.  Ralphie then gets thrown on Santa’s lap but because he is so awestruck by just being with Santa, he nods dumbly when Santa asks, “What do you want for Christmas little boy? How about a nice football?”   The elves, impatiently, pick him up and toss him down the slide. Ralphie’s brain starts screaming, “Wake Up Stupid! Wake up!” because he just agreed that a football is what he wants.  Ralphie suddenly wakes up, stops himself from sliding and claws his way back up the slide to tell Santa what he really wants.  To which Santa replies, “You’ll shoot your eye out!”

How many times this has happened to me!  Not with chubby men in red suits but in everyday life.   I have nodded, agreed and have been whisked down the slide as if everything was fine but the whole time my brain is yelling, “WAKE UP STUPID, WAKE UP!”. Finally a day or 2 or 4 or years later do I realize what I just did, what I agreed to, what I dumbly nodded to.

Restaurant Scene:  Waitress asks, “You want white rice with that, right?”  And I just nod because I’m thinking about something else or I’m trying to be agreeable.  And then when the plate arrives, my brain wakes up and thinks, “Why did you get white rice?! You wanted brown!”  But next time, I will know what question is coming and I will be able to say, (before the waitress even asks), “I WANT BROWN RICE!”

Relationship Scene: Boy (who you barely know but like), says, “I am not ready for a relationship” and you say, “Ok” along with some gibberish and defriend him on Facebook. Later you realize you should have said, “Who was asking for a relationship?! I just want to know you! No one was trying to get serious with you.”  He would have and could have been a great friend (at the very least) but…the brain said, “Wake up stupid! Wake up!” too late. It’s water under the bridge now, the boy is gone, the plate already came, Christmas already passed and what’s done is done.  The end.  (That relationship scene may or may not have happened but even if it did, the boy has long forgotten about me).  History does tend to repeat itself so if this scene happens again, somewhere else, with someone else, you can best be believin’ that I will respond (hopefully) the opposite that how I did and just you wait, that will be the boy I marry!  The joy of having hindsight that is 20/20.

School Scene:  I remember in 7th grade, a girl asked why I was so happy.  I made up some dumb answer with some gibberish and that was the end.  I never talked to her again.  7 years of my brain saying, “WAKE UP STUPID!” got me to my 2nd year of college when one of the librarians asked me the exact same question: why I was so happy. THIS TIME I KNEW WHAT TO SAY! As soon as he asked the question I knew, “This is my 2nd shot at getting this question right and I’m not going to blow it!”.  And so I told him about Jesus.

What would have happened if Ralphie just slid down the slide as expected?  The movie would have had a very sad ending!  Ralphie would have had to enjoy a football for Christmas.

Is it our desire to please, be agreeable, not make a scene, not stand out, to make people like us that causes us to slide down the slide without stopping halfway down and clawing our way back to the top to say what we actually came to say?  Or perhaps past hurts, insecurities, fears, or pain? I don’t want to live my life with regrets but then again, there are some things you just have to let go because you don’t get a 2nd chance for that specific situation.  IT’S DONE, history, passed, dead, gone, finished, set in stone.

Life is made up of once-in-a-lifetime moments.  ONE SHOT! That’s all you get!  Will the situation repeat itself with someone else, on a different day, in a different place?  Perhaps. Maybe.  Maybe not.

This is my reminder to all us to “WAKE UP STUPID! WAKE UP!” before it’s too late.  Don’t just agree for the sake of being agreeable.  Don’t just nod when you should be shaking your head.  Don’t say “fine, fine” when you should be saying, “NO WAY!”  There are souls, destinies, your health, and Christmases in the balance!

Life is but a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow.  You can make a difference.

But only if you are awake.

From September 14-30, I will be in Uganda (with Ramos Ministries) and will be updating the same blog I had last year as we travel and minister.  We have high hopes and expectations that this is going to be even better than last year (And right now I have someone singing in the house the following, “I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back! The cross before me, the world behind me, the cross before me, the world behind me, the cross before me, the world behind me, no turning back, no turning back!” to which I shouted, “AGAIN! AGAIN!” and then I got to hear it in Amharic.)

And that is what we are doing.  We are going AGAIN, AGAIN! Following Jesus wherever He sends us, believing that His Grace goes with us, before us, behind us.  We know He is good!  He is strong, faithful, present, loving, kind, patient and able!

So, you are welcome to follow us as we go:

http://twoweeksinuganda.blogspot.com

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Let me first ask you a few questions.

Do you ever have days that are just draining?  Days where you get home from work, and you are exhausted because of the things people have said to you, yelled at you?  Now, this product isn’t for everyone.  This product is only for people who want to live better lives.

I personally love this product because I work as a nurse in a busy little clinic that services some people with rough lives, some with mental illness, some with economical hardships.  Sometimes, when people are in pain, they don’t watch what they say.  Sometimes those words are said to me in a less than cordial fashion. Many times, I would just take those words without even thinking about.  And they would start to weigh me down.  I would feel deflated and depressed.  I would stop smiling.  Do you have those days?  Those days when the weight of the world is on your shoulders?  When things people say mean more than they should?  I’m not saying those days are everyday by any means.  But there are days when your hormones are all out of whack, when emotions are running high already,  when you can’t take anything more and then someone just hits you with a real zinger and you are done.  Done, done, done. Sometimes, you may even say something back that you regret later.

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I will let you know this about the skin-it’s best to only wear it when you anticipate you will need it.  It’s really not good to wear 24 hours per day.  The skin does breathe really well and is totally washer/dryer safe but it will not fit as well if you wear it constantly. 8 hours per day is plenty.  Also, if you wear it too much, you will start to grow calluses because of the way it rubs on the natural skin underneath. Some people like the calluses that form because then they don’t have to wear the skin in the areas that the callus forms.  But the first place the callus forms is in the tear ducts and you will stop crying.  You also become less sensitive to touch-hugs, hand-holding, kissing won’t evoke the same emotions if you wear the skin too much. If you don’t mind the callus, don’t mind not crying, don’t mind less sensitivity to touch, then by all means, wear the skin 24 hours/day.

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I wanted to write a post on how to get to 30 successfully or rather how to be a successful 30-year-old.  But then I realized that my definition of success needed tailoring.  I wrote a lot already but now just erased it.  I’m not here to offend you.  As much as I feel free-er than ever to be myself (turning 30 will do that to you), I don’t want to offend you.  If I define success as having a job, and you don’t have one, that means I called you “un-successful”? And who the heck am I to judge you?  If I define success has having money, and you don’t have any, then I am calling you “unsuccessful”? And again, who am I to say money is something you need? And how much?  Is the epitome of success “having a job, having money, having a healthy marriage, raising successful kids”?  And what happens if you don’t fit that pattern?  What if I don’t have a job? Don’t have money?  Don’t have a marriage?  Don’t have kids?

SUCCESS: According to the Urban Dictionary-has many definitions.  Not all appropriate.  Here’s a few.

This is my 99th post and I only write it in order to get to Post #100. I plan to write my 100th post in a week. I am hoping that being 30 years old on that day will mean I will have plenty of wisdom and maturity to share with the world.

I have half-heartedly written a half dozen half blog posts in the past month.  None of them made it to Real Rhonda except the last one which I’m still not that thrilled about and may delete.

But I have nothing to say.  I have some half revelations, some sparks of some point that have some potential.  Potential is great but it’s like eating a vegetarian meal. If I’m going to sit down and eat a meal, I’d like some meat.  Potential is a vegetarian buffet begging for beef-it’s a nice spread, nice to look at but no real substance available yet, nothing sustainable for long is on the table.  I don’t even know if that makes any sense whatsoever and I’m not trying to birth a revelation right here in front of you.  I have no new revelation.  I’ve been busy.  Too busy to sit down and birth a revelation (or maybe I’m still subconsciously still processing my last revelation and the revelation ‘bank’ is so full, no new revelations can come in and set up camp).  But when you sit down and think about it, is a revelation something you birth or is it something that Someone else births and you are just the catcher of the bundle of “joy”?  Or is revelation the cream that rises to the top of your subconscious that can then be skimmed off and used to fatten yourself up?  But I don’t know that I am that smart.  New revelations, new thoughts, new ideas just might be God’s grace to keep me from getting stuck in a dull, lifeless wilderness of random thought-tumbleweeds blowing around in the hot sun.

Some “revelations” perhaps should never be birthed and that should be part of the revelation. If you have no revelation, no true substance to your buffet, no strength in your point, no full grown baby to birth,  perhaps then you should just keep your mouth shut.  And then there are some revelations that truly are great but not for the general public…

And does this post even need to be published?  Does the universe need one more post? Perhaps not…

Conversations throughout my day vary  in topic, in relativity to life, in seriousness.  I can talk to some people without even thinking. No problem.  We stay in the shallow end of the pool, bantering back and forth about the weather, latest movie, new socks, and what’s best to eat at McDonald’s.  We stay in the shallow end for a few reasons.  For one, we don’t know each other and two, have no intention of getting to know each other on an more intimate level.  The water comes up to our belly buttons and we are comfortable.  Of course, in the shallow end of the pool, bodily functions are brought up more in the course of conversation.  The default to every shallow conversation centers around something we all have in common-bodies. You are more likely to encounter pee/poop on this side naturally.

I like to swim to the deep end though consistently.  The shallow end gets boring after awhile.  It is usually from this side of the pool that I yell out to those standing around the edges, not wanting to get wet with human interaction, I yell, “Come on in! The water is fine!”  They look up from their books, up from their phones, up from their boredom.  They look up and say, “Nah, we’re  fine, just got dry anyways”.  About this time, I’m getting tired of treading in such deep waters and swim back to the shallow.  Back to conversations about bodily functions, where I want to shop, the latest on Brangelina and The Bachelor.  Away from conversations about ethics, politics, world hunger, sex trafficking, church government, sin, grace, and moral ambiguity.  I don’t like wading the kiddy pool so much but when you are only 5’1″, hanging in the deep end isn’t the most comfortable.

Back and forth, back and forth.  Inviting those in the shallow end to try out the deep end and inviting those who stay in the deep end,  to try out the shallow end occasionally.  The deep end people have, on average, facial expressions that are constricted and stern.  They take their philosophizing very seriously.  World hunger is serious stuff and it won’t get solved by staying the shallow end of the pool.  Worry lines are grated into their foreheads like roads going straight to the top.  The shallow end people are more fun honestly.  Their foreheads just have sun screen on them as they splash each other.  They giggle about things that don’t matter, they wink and jab.  Their conversations are just as lively, just as necessary, just as interesting.  Are they making world-class changes to the planet?  Nah.  Will they live longer because they laugh more?  Perhaps but then again, perhaps not.

Can you enjoy life by just staying in one side of the pool?  Can you grow and stay shallow?  Can you stay young and be deep all the time?  Can the profound be found in the mouths of children?  Are there simply stupid people in the deep end?

There is just one way to find out.

Swim back and forth, back and forth-engaging both ends of the pool.

There is something about packing up your entire house that brings so many thoughts.

Am I really doing this…Again?

Why am I doing this?

Why do I have so much stuff?

Why are boxes so hard to find?

I wish I worked at Costco and had access to 10,000,000 boxes every day.

Have I really not cleaned this corner for 2 years?

Oh! There’s my chapstick!

Hey! Money!

I have a lot of books.

Why do I have so many books?

Man, I love books.

Oooh, pictures.  I forgot about these pictures! (1 hour later)  Maybe I should get back to packing again.

I wonder if I can just leave this old Christmas tree holder/base here in the closet without anyone noticing.

Ewwww, there’s mold growing on the patio.  Or maybe it’s moss.  Note to self: Google how to get rid of moldy moss.

It’s the first day of Summer and I am inside packing my house…Next time, move when nothing is going on and the sun is not out.

Do I really need to keep this Cleopatra costume, Bumble bee costume, Wilma Flinstone Costume, animal print moomoo? Yep!

Why in the world do I have 4 boxes of  brand new IKEA Christmas tree ornaments?  I have not had a Christmas tree in 5 years…

I am moving.  I am leaving my Eastside condo and moving to the Deep South of my region.  Why?  Because I want to.  Because I need some change.  In my pocket, in my life.  I want to live in a real house, with a real yard, with a real person, with a real kitchen.  I love where I am and I am slightly anxious about leaving it but it’s good.  I know it’s good.  There is something about making yourself purposefully uncomfortable that gets you up and moving and thinking and dreaming again.  Rolling stones gather no moss.  I don’t really know what that means.  It’s hard to drive a parked car?  That ‘saying’ does not negate that it is good to put down deep roots, stay faithful and work out God’s will in your life with grace but I like moving, I like adventure, I like change.  As much as I don’t like it, I like it.  I like going through my stuff and thinking about why I am the way I am.  I like staying flexible.  I like finding which guys in my life are the most generous with their time and muscles.  It’s funny when you ask someone if they can help you move and they reply, “I’m busy all month”.  I didn’t even tell you the day! We all have our strengths I suppose.

Will I love my new place?  ”Love”, in it’s purest form, isn’t based on emotion or feelings. So yes, I will “LOVE” my new place.  How long will I be there?  I don’t know.  Forever?  1 year?  2 years? 3 years? Until the homeowner kicks me out?  Probably