They say the more mature you are, the less “offensive” you will be.  I will try to be as delicate as possible but I just got myself all stirred up.

#1-Faith without works is dead.  This applies to everything but my dating life (sarcasm-work with me).  For everything else, you have to take risks in order to see change.  But for dating, you can do absolutely nothing, change nothing, hope and pray, and suddenly, without any risk, wahlah, you will have everything you have been hoping for.  You don’t have to smile, be friendly, let down some walls, get rid of fear.  Nope.  Just pray.

I’m preaching to myself right now and I am getting angry at my mindset.  Let me dwell on this revelation.  Prayer is not action.  It’s prayer.  Faith without action is dead.  Your dating life is “dead” for a reason.  Because all you’ve been doing is praying.  You can pray your dirty laundry will get clean.  You can pray your car will magically get fixed.  You can pray for the house to get clean, the dishes to be washed and the floor to be vacuumed.  Go ahead.  Have fun.  Pray til you are blue in the face.  But actually, if you don’t get off your lazy excuses and pick up the rag and start the water, those dishes ain’t getting done.  Honey, I love you but you are lazy.

All things having to do with faith, involve risk.  That’s part of the definition of faith.  To trust someone involves risk.  To be open and vulnerable when you have been hurt in the past, involves risk.  I play it safe and blame “God’s timing”.  I stay comfortable and blame God for my lack of change of seasons.

I’m not saying God doesn’t have timing but I will say if I was living 100 years ago, we’d all be married by age 25.  What has changed in the past 100 years?  God’s plan for people to be married or the culture?  I will be the first to admit it and I’m not pointing fingers at anyone but myself but God forgive me, I have been selfish and fearful and have pushed people away.  I have built walls and then wonder why I can’t get close to anyone.  I crave and fear intimacy because I haven’t allowed the Healer in.  I push Him away and I blame Him for why I am the way I am.  I want change but won’t get into accountability, won’t get into a small group, won’t read some books, won’t talk to mentors, won’t go to counseling.

We have breeded a generation of people not getting married because we have breeded a generation that is afraid.  Fear is suffocating people and no one will say anything!  Yes, divorce happens inside and outside the church.  Yes, domestic violence happens.  Yes, people have mental illnesses.  Yes, people become disabled.  Yes, people walk away from their responsibilities.  But is that a reason to run away from something that God created?

#2 Talk about the obvious.

About 50% of the people I have talked to about eHarmony in the past week have said either they are doing it right now or they have done it in the past.  They are ashamed of it and I have been too at times but if 50% of any population is involved with something then it’s a good clue that it’s not a taboo subject.  If I meet and marry someone that I meet off of eHarmony, am I going to lie about how we met for the rest of my life?  Am I going to leave that out of my “love story”?  I’m not.  I am not doing this because I am desperate.  I am doing this because faith without action is dead.

Age:  I can never understand why no one wants to tell you their age.  Honey, we all know how old you are just by counting your wrinkles and your gray hairs.  You ain’t hiding anything and the Bible is all about how the older you are, the more wisdom you have and the more respect you should be given.  You are 45 and we all know it.  Why hide the obvious?  Why be embarrassed with who you are?

Weight:  I work at a clinic and every now and then weigh people who don’t want me to look at their weight on the scale.  Honey, I know what 300 lbs looks like and I can guess how you got so unhealthy.  I know how much 500 lbs can hurt your back as you are trying to turn someone in their hospital bed.  I know how much you weigh by looking at every roll and chin.  It’s no secret you need some help to get on the right road to health.

Singleness:  I don’t want to be offensive but I will put myself out there as an example.  You don’t get to be 29 and still not married without either A) A direct revelation from God to stay single or B) having some walls of fear and selfishness surrounding your life.  I am not called to celibacy so answer B would be the reason I am still single-and I know others can see certain things that need to change in my life because they have told me.  Can God use me in Single years?  Yes!  And He has in tremendous ways.  I have loved being single and don’t regret too much but I’m coming clean with what everyone else can see.  I’m done being ashamed of needing help.  I need help and I am going to get it no matter what the cost.  I’m reading the books, I’m in a small group about love addictions, I’m allowing myself to be mentored by people who have the fruit of stepping out and taking risks and dating.  I’m admitting to God I need help and I am going to stop being lazy, jealous, fearful, and selfish.

#3 Standards

I use to have on a list of qualities I wanted in a husband the following (This list no longer exists):  The man I will marry will be like Smith Wigglesworth and Keith Green.  Both of these men were incredible but they were married!! These men did not become incredible until after they were married.  Smith was a plumber until he was 47.  His preaching wife married a plumber. Men get better once they are married.  I’m not saying pick up the first guy you come to and fix him.  You don’t go into marriage wanting to fix the other person.  I’ve always wanted a world-changer but honestly, I want someone who can’t change the world without me.  If I marry someone who is already changing the world just fine then maybe he doesn’t need me to complement him.  And if he has weakness in areas that I have strength in, then it’s possible I will see those weaknesses first and run away?  Marriage is beautiful because it brings two imperfect people together.  Stop trying to change the world and just submit to God for today.

Wow.  That’s a big load of openness but you overcome by the word of your testimony and the blood of the Lamb.  I’m done walking on egg shells and sweeping things under the rug.

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