I wanted to write a post on how to get to 30 successfully or rather how to be a successful 30-year-old.  But then I realized that my definition of success needed tailoring.  I wrote a lot already but now just erased it.  I’m not here to offend you.  As much as I feel free-er than ever to be myself (turning 30 will do that to you), I don’t want to offend you.  If I define success as having a job, and you don’t have one, that means I called you “un-successful”? And who the heck am I to judge you?  If I define success has having money, and you don’t have any, then I am calling you “unsuccessful”? And again, who am I to say money is something you need? And how much?  Is the epitome of success “having a job, having money, having a healthy marriage, raising successful kids”?  And what happens if you don’t fit that pattern?  What if I don’t have a job? Don’t have money?  Don’t have a marriage?  Don’t have kids?

SUCCESS: According to the Urban Dictionary-has many definitions.  Not all appropriate.  Here’s a few.

-success is obedience to a structured way of life (operation ivy)
-One of the most annoying words in the English language. A word your teacher often makes you define (that and respect) on the first day of school. The definition of success is a simple one: succeeding.
-a kilo of weed
-Not Sucking
-At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants
At age 12 success is having friends
At age 16 success is having a driver’s license
At age 20 success is having sex
At age 35 success is having money. 
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants
Again, I don’t necessarily agree with the above definitions of success and if I did, then I would have to define myself as “unsuccessful” at some level.
What if “success” is defined as “being happy”?  Or “Having a family that loves you” or “Having tons of really amazing friends” or keeping a job for more than 3 years?  Or being able to tie a knot using your tongue in a cherry stem?  Or going to church every week?  Or giving great gifts at Christmas time?  or being able to figure out the cable/tv/dvd remotes and never lose them in the couch? or never getting speeding tickets?  Or using big words consistently in a congruent manner to provoke the depths of contemplation of the human soul?  Or writing a best seller?  Or winning the Nobel Peace Prize?  Prize? Trophy?  Award?  Is it Prize?  Prize is what you get at the carnival for popping 3 balloons with a dart. Hmmm. Just a second.  I gotta google Nobel Peace Whatever so I don’t sound like an idiot while trying to define success.  (Well, what do you know?! Alfred Nobel was the one who came up with the Nobel Peace Prize, an internationally recognized prize/award according to Wikipedia).
-Success is inventing the “Berghoff Peace Award” and having people everywhere define “success” as their ability to obtain it?
-Success is getting an iPhone? (I put that in there just for the haters-I know who you are)
-Success is making the best pizza ever and enjoying every bite?
-Success is killing a spider while screaming your head off? That happened  yesterday.  I have it on video.  My roommate and I are huge successes in the International Kill ALL Spiders League of Women.  Seriously, we topped the charts yesterday for our phenomenal success in killing the biggest spider ever.
-Success is figuring out that you don’t know everything, never will know everything, and the sooner you get around people who have strengths in the areas you have weakness, the better off you will be?
-Success is trusting Jesus when everything around you says to FREAK OUT?
-Success is finally making a decision after you have been wavering, on the fence, going back and forth about something for months?
-Success is not giving into temptation and eating the gallon of  cookie dough ice cream in the freezer?
-Success is saying no to drugs?
-Success is getting the 12 needed hugs we all need everyday?
-Success is knowing how to swim?
-Success is not losing your favorite stethoscope?
Am I a success?  Are you a success?
All I know is that I made it to 30 and the other week, I wore shoes that didn’t match my outfit at all, and I couldn’t have cared less what people thought.
Now, that’s being a successful 30 year old.
And yes, I just spent the past 10 minutes trying to put spaces in this post so it would be more pleasing to the eye to read, but I was unsuccessful…