In our social-media-ridden culture, everyone is posting on everything. And frankly, I think we are all getting tired of it (as I write just one more post). I don’t mind new thoughts, new revelations, new blog posts, new books but they really are everywhere. This week I had a single friend text me and ask if I had read a certain article on Singleness that was posted on Facebook. She had read it 3 days prior and it was still making her mad. People are well-meaning, I think, for the most part. But after awhile (especially when it comes to the topic of “singleness”) it all starts sounding like “blah, blah, blah” and I’m no better off than before reading your article.

I’ve come to my own conclusions after my 14 years (if we start at age 18) in this Singleness School. I’m not still in this school because I keep flunking the classes. I’m still here because…I’m single.

There is not a week (sometimes it’s every day) that goes by that singleness doesn’t enter into a conversation. I’m not trying to bring it up (cuz I’m frankly kind of tired of the subject but somehow have plenty to say) but people love talking about it.

Today alone (and it’s only 12:47PM), I discussed with a married friend about her single friend who just got broken up with because her boyfriend said they had “too much chemistry” (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! TOO MUCH CHEMISTRY? What does that even mean?) and 15 minutes later, I had another conversation with a sweet lady and her only random question to me in the whole conversation was “Are you single?”.

I know a man who (along with his wife) couldn’t get pregnant for 10 years (or so). I’ve heard him talk about the experience many times, the pain, and the joy of finally have healthy children. What struck me most was him talking about people and their stupid opinions and views of what he should be doing: “hey, have you thought about adoption?” (gee, no I never thought about that). Give me a break.

The truth is, I don’t know what it’s like to be you.  I have no idea what you have been through, the depth of your emotion, the pain, the joy, the failures, the victories, the frustrations, the disappointments.  I have no idea what it’s like to lose a parent to cancer, to be unable to have children, live in California, be an airplane pilot, be homeless, be a single parent, be male, etc. I also don’t know what it is like to be single at age 34 or 37 or 45. And you probably don’t either.

Before you act like an expert in any field, make sure you have some experience to back it up. If you don’t have much experience, maybe you should shut up and listen.

The 1st relationship between a man and a woman recorded in Genesis 2 of the NLT Bible says this:

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man[c] to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs[d] and closed up the opening. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed.”

Did you notice what happened? The man was alone, it wasn’t that great, God made a bunch of animals to see if they could help him out, none of them were right for him, so he fell asleep, God made something completely different than animals, the man woke up and fell in love. The end. No one asked anyone out for an awkward coffee date. Not complicated.

Okay, okay- I really don’t think that one love story is to direct all love stories from here on out, but it does have some significance for sure.

It’s not suppose to be complicated. It’s only complicated when my expectations are not being met and I get sad because someone does not feel the same way about me as I do about them. Just find someone you love being with. Get to know each other. And get married so you can keep getting to know each other until you die.

If you haven’t found someone you like enough to be with until you die, then stay in school, keep going to class, don’t skip, don’t do drugs, don’t miss P.E., and fall asleep whenever you want to. Be yourself. Don’t worry. Enjoy your very life. Keep your eyes on the goal (and the goal is not marriage). Don’t worry. Live your life to the fullest. Do what you dream of doing. And don’t worry.

And during those moments, when you look in your back seat and see your friend’s kid’s carseat  (that isn’t your kid’s carseat),  and you start to cry, and your well-meaning friends and family say things like:

***”Just ask him out for coffee”, “When you stop thinking about it, it will happen”, “Stop being so picky”, “Don’t you want to get married?”, “Are you a lesbian?”, “Have you tried online-dating?”, “You’re so pretty. I don’t understand why you are still single”, “There just aren’t enough good men out there”, “You are getting old”, “Don’t you want to have kids?”, “Your clock is ticking”, before you punch them in the face and say, “You aren’t married because you are perfect and have it all together, you are married because you got married”, remember this:

God loves you.  A whole religion that follows the teachings of an ancient middle-eastern Jewish man (who also was God), was also single. And I bet He heard some really stupid things about Singleness. There were probably some Yentas out there who really wanted to set him up with some great women. But I think He stayed Single not only because it wasn’t in the Plan (obviously), but because, He wanted you to know, He understands. He really does.

I don’t have answers for you. I don’t know your journey (I’m on my own journey!). Assume people are well-meaning. Relax. Be yourself. And…Enjoy Your Very Life.

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