Every 6 months for the past 29 years, I tell a lie. The same lie. Because they ask the same question. That same dang question. Over and over. So, I lie. To the same person. And she’s always had the name Kristin or Kelly. Seriously. And she doesn’t seem to age. Since I was 4 years old, she is always 38-40 years old. Cute and blond. A little chunky. But seriously cute. And I always feel guilty. Oh so guilty.

“So, have you been flossing?”

“Of course!”

“How much?”

“Oh, at least once a week.”

Now, actually, on average for the previous 6 months, it’s been once a week because for the past week, I’ve been flossing a few times every day. So, it does even out. But they know. They know I don’t floss once a week. My bleeding, red, raw gums tell them the truth: I have been flossing constantly for only 1 week and had done nothing before now.

Cramming for exams has been a way of life and because I like to be consistent in every area of life, I also cram for those dental exams. Cram all my flossing for 6 months into a week.

Kelly or Kristin knows I am lying. She knows. Which is why when she picks up that ice pick and starts scraping all the plaque off my teeth, she takes an extra 10 minutes to torture me. It’s really a horrible game we play.

I lie and she tortures me with extra scraping.

I still have a few questions though. Why have I never met a dental hygienist older than 42 years old? They must all use the same anti-aging creams. And they are all the nicest, talkative people. They can have conversations without you saying a thing. I want to never age and have such great people skills. And always so happy. Age-less, cute, talkative and happy. That would be a dream!

So, I hate flossing. I hate tying up both my hands is the real truth. I like multi-tasking. And to only do one thing for 5 minutes just kills me.

But in the past 2 months, I have been using an amazing product. (It’s been out a long time but well, I just found it).

PLACKERS! It’s one handed flossing! It’s floss with a handle. 150 handled floss in a bag for just a few bucks. I FLOSS EVERY DAY and I get to stop lying!!

You gotta buy them. If you hate flossing cuz you hate tying up your hands, you gotta get Plackers.

My English grammar is breaking down cuz I’m getting excited. They are minty-fresh, can travel, and they are fun. You can multi-task too with them because they only require one hand. You can go snowboarding, go through the mail, drive, clean the cat, write books, play Settlers of Catan, water your plants, watch tv and use Plackers.

So, come May 2015, I get to tell Kelly/Kristin that I have been flossing. Every day!

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