(It’s an interesting thing to live a day knowing that you are going to post a message about your day. I find myself feeling a little more accountable to live each day to the fullest. Which is the point of this journey anyway!)

180 days to go!

Woke up after a fantastic 10 hour sleep and started my day with Yoga with Adriene-Day 4. Then Day 4 of the Draw the Circle Prayer Challenge book by Mark Batterson. And prayed circles around specific people in my life who I dearly love. Feeling good!

Called mom to ask her if you find a little green worm on top of one of your strawberries does that mean all the strawberries have worms. She said she has never seen a worm in a strawberry. So I ate a strawberry. Strawberries are so in season right  now and the sweetest they will ever be. Although I suspect the strawberries in heaven are a billion times better than the ones on earth. Someday I will find out just how great the strawberries are in heaven.

I texted a few friends to see if they were going to be at church today but they weren’t so I arrived quite late and alone. And tried to sit by 2 different strangers but all the unmarked seats by them were saved. Of course all the seats in church are saved. They have been in church a long time listening to Judah Smith.  The sting of rejection though was too great for my little eyes and pathetic tears sprang out. Dang these tears. I just wanted to sit down. I did find a seat and left when the service was over. I gotta find a service somewhere with some friends in it!

You know, they say loneliness will cut your life the same amount as smoking cigarettes.

So if you are going to smoke, don’t be lonely. And if you are going to be lonely, don’t smoke. Otherwise that’s a double-whammy of life-shortening. Both painful. Somehow though, smoking seems way more cool than being lonely. If I had to pick one, I’d pick smoking. A full life with lots of friends, never being lonely, and a pack of Camels. Or on the other hand, there’s loneliness. Fighting, singing, running, escaping, regretting are all fine activities really if you are doing them with someone. But alone? Run alone. Fight alone, Regret alone, Sing alone. That’s like carrying a piano on your back uphill. No thanks. Just hand me a cigarette, friend, and light it up.

This 183 day journey is about living, not dying. But death and dying is part of life and you cannot and should not go through life without thinking about death. Why? Because if you aren’t appreciating that something is going to end, you aren’t appreciating it fully. We take for granted the things we think are always going to be around. We waste, grow lazy, act flippant and then one day, they’re gone. People, things, moments, opportunities. Gone. And suddenly we are alone. What? What happened? Where’d you go?

And regret moves in. Fills the empty spaces, sinking into the floorboards of our souls. A life lived in fear is a life half-lived but a life of regret? What is that?

Fear is being too focused on what is in front of you and your inadequacy. Then when comparing the two you become disabled, wobbling, falling off the train tracks.

Regret is being too focused on yourself and the past. And if you maintain your regrets, you sit paralyzed. Immobile. Getting stinky oozing bed sores.

We can’t maintain regrets. We can’t drive successfully while staring at the rearview mirror and you can’t live fully always regretting what’s back there. What’s back there is back there. Yeah, maybe you were dumb, or went the wrong way, turned down the wrong alley, got side tracked. Maybe if this was your 2nd time living today, I would expect better progress, perfection. But this is your 1st time living today. This isn’t Groundhog’s Day and you aren’t Bill Murray. So, how about you just give it your best effort and when tomorrow comes, reflect, think, and then try. Not try again. Because you have never lived today. You can’t try yesterday again. You can only live today once. Just like the rest of us. One new day at a time.

Now, time to continue to work on my fiction novel before going to a SIFF film (Seattle International Film Fest) with a cherished friend. 180 days to finish.

REMEMBER: “The trouble is, you think you have time”-Buddha