146 days to go.

Today was hard. He defecated what he swallowed last night but that wasn’t the hard part of the day. He knew. He knew something was changing. I loaded everything he owned into the car: his crate, toys, food, hiking pack, fence, baby gate. And we hit the road. I kept thinking, “I can turn around now if I really want to keep him. No one is saying I can’t keep him”. But there are many reasons I can’t keep him.

We got to the shelter and he started barking and jumping. I said nothing as we waited at the counter for assistance. And I started to cry. And I couldn’t stop. They took him away so I could complete the surrendering process. And I sobbed. And I couldn’t stop for an hour.

I could go back. I could go get him. But I am not what he needs. I don’t have what it takes. I didn’t realize how much I loved him though. I would have cried all day but I took a break so I could go to lunch with dear friend L. We went to Red Robin-she had a salad and I had a petite cheeseburger, no tomato. It was 100 degrees outside and I just wanted to get back to 77 degree Seattle. Love L though and was so glad to get to see her.

Hit the road and continued crying and I cried for the rest of the day. Got home and neighbor P was outside. I was hoping he wouldn’t be home. He liked Chester a lot.

“How did it go?”

“I’ve been crying all day”.

Now leave me alone. Let’s go back to being what we were before 3 weeks ago-silent neighbors who don’t talk and don’t care to know each other.

Took another break from crying and cleaning to talk to Aunt J on the phone. She has lived a long life and understands the pain.

What a horrible day. I don’t ever want to do that again.