144 days left!

I think we must live lives of reflection or risk living in the shallow end of the pool,  where the pee is thick and the people whiney.

Reflect, dissect, evaluate, examine, study, muse and ponder.

As I reflect on my strong attachment and strong reaction to giving up that dog I had once for 3 weeks, I realize my emotion was stronger than I thought it would be. Why?

Once, awhile back, I was seeing a counselor. I told her about some certain behaviors that did not show great judgement on my part. Her response to my story, “Well, it seems you have some awareness of the situation”. Some awareness. Just some. Not a lot. But enough to hopefully not repeat my poor performance.

Some awareness. Are we going to live our lives with only some awareness?

I wanted Chester to be more than he could ever be. And perhaps my strong reaction to letting him go was because I was letting go of all that I wanted him to be, needed him to be. And I would need to find those needs met elsewhere or nowhere. How much do we do that with? Like trying to get blood from a turnip. We squeeze and squeeze the people around us, trying to get them to give us everything we crave, soothing insecurities. Or do we turn to other things, activities, jobs, investments, animals, hobbies, etc trying to fill the voids. Voids. Voids that only God can fill. Perhaps my awareness will come with time, but for now, I am enjoying my clean, peaceful home.

I raced home after work to cook and then took the best Asian noodle dish I have never made to the REST shelter tonight, along with rice, spring rolls and fortune cookies. I hope they enjoyed eating it as much as I enjoyed making it. That was the best part of my day.

 

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