142 days left.

Late Entry.

Just wrote a whole entry and deleted it.

Today was a good day. I ordered a fire pit from Amazon along with a charcoal grill. I got home after work and neighbor P was in his house but his big doors were open. He waved when he saw me park. I went over to say hi to P. And since we can’t talk about Chester, I brought up the only other thing we now have in common, love for fire pits. I told him about mine. I asked him about Seattle laws regarding fire pits. He said, “Where we live, cops only come if it’s about prostitutes or drugs. They don’t come for gun shots and they won’t come to look at your fire pit.” Oh, ok. Good to know. I liked having something to talk to P about. I even asked dumb questions that don’t have answers like, “How long will it take for the fire to go out?” just to keep the conversation going.

Picked up B at work. And then we went to Chavez for dinner. It was on our list of restaurants we have never been to and need to try. The atmosphere was fantastic as we sat outside. Just perfect. Chavez serves up tacos and drinks and delicious cheesy dip. Then we planned our next trip. I can’t wait. I’ve never been to where we are going. I told her it will be our honeymoon. She doesn’t really think that is funny. Well, we are both heterosexual first of all and aren’t getting married to each other. But it is a honeymoon destination. And I must say, I always thought I would go there for an actual honeymoon, however cliche it is. It’s ok. If it were my last 6 months on Earth, there’s no one else I’d rather go there with than her. We watched Stand Ups on Netflix. I think that is what it is called. The comedian Nate didn’t crack a smile. I like those comedians. I like when they tell jokes and don’t laugh. It shows confidence. They aren’t trying to get you to approve of them, trying to get you to mirror their face, trying to lead you into a laugh. Laugh if you want and if you don’t want to, that’s fine because I’m not laughing either.

What happens if you get to the end of your life and didn’t do all you wanted to do? We tend to think we will grow to be old. But old people tell you to not get old. But you want to get old because the alternative is to die young. So, what then? Just do everything now because you might not grow old? Marry some random person now just because you wanted to before you die? Spend all your retirement money now because you might not retire? Stop flossing because you might not live long enough to actually need dentures? Eat cheeseburgers because they taste good and life is short? No, we can’t live like that. But we also can’t always live like we have all the time in the world. Life is short. A vapor. A wisp of smoke. A little blip on the EKG of life. But then it feels so short at times that it also feels paralyzing.

“We worry about tomorrow like it’s promised”.